I have a confession to make – this gospel passage always sets my teeth on edge. Why? Because Jesus sounds so out of character. A desperate mother pleads with him for help and he bickers with her. He essentially calls her a dog. Why? Because she’s an outsider. She’s a Canaanite, not an Israelite. That doesn’t sound like the Jesus I know. That sounds like a bully and the Jesus I know is not a bully. I doubt most of us would be sitting here if we believed Jesus was a bully.
So how then do we make sense of this exchange? We have a mom, worried sick about her child. She sees that this teacher, this man she has heard is a holy man, has come to her neighborhood and she chases after him, yelling, “Lord help me!” She doesn’t care that for her community, Jesus is the outsider. She doesn’t care that he’s traveling with an entourage who will look down on her. She is so consumed with love and compassion for her child that she will not take no for an answer, that she will call out and call out and call out until she gets an answer. She will face public ridicule and still she will persist, pleading for help for her child.
And on the other side of this exchange, we have Jesus. Jesus who has so recently shown such compassion for the crowd that gathered when he was trying to get some time alone to grieve the loss of his kinsmen John the Baptist. He wasn’t expecting a crowd but when they all showed up, he healed their sick. Then, as it grew late and the crowd was hungry, Jesus fed them all. So what happened between these moments of great compassion and this moment with this poor desperate mom?
Is Jesus just tired? Is he burnt out? Does he need some time for self care? Maybe he’s hungry and he just needs a Snickers? Caregivers know – compassion fatigue is very real. Jesus is fully divine but he is also fully human. Is this the human side of Jesus showing more than we are used to seeing?
Let’s think about this. Before his encounter with the Canaanite mom, Jesus had been teaching the crowd in another place. He told them that it was not what went into the mouth that defiles a person but what comes out of it. And that rattled some cages. The Pharisees were most upset with him for saying this because it sounded like it was in direct opposition to the ritual purity laws. Even his own disciples didn’t seem to understand what he was saying. Peter asked him for an explanation. “Jesus – can you explain this parable to us? I’m not sure we understand what you’re saying.” And, of course, it doesn’t make sense to them, it sounds like it flies in the face of the traditional religious practices they have grown up with. In Peter’s place, I’d be asking the same question.
Jesus seems a little short with Peter. “Are you still not getting this?” It’s not the careful, ritual hand washing, the ritual purifications, and the cleansing rituals before eating that makes a person clean or unclean. It’s the words they speak that show what lies in their heart. All the proper religious practice in the world does not necessarily make someone a good person. Jesus even gets a little graphic about it – what you eat, what goes in the mouth, goes to the stomach and ends up in the sewer. But what comes out of the mouth – that comes from the heart and that shows what that person is really like.
And then they leave that place and journey to the district of Tyre. I’d be willing to bet some serious money that this discussion of what goes in the mouth and what comes out of the mouth continued as they walked. And now Jesus encounters this mom. He doesn’t even pay attention to her at first but the disciples are bothered by her presence. “Lord send her away. She’s loud and annoying.” Then Jesus answers her. “It’s not fair to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.”
It’s not fair. Oh boy – we know those words don’t we? From the time we are little kids: It’s not fair – he got more than me! It’s not fair – I was here first, why does she get to go ahead of me? I can’t tell you how many times my kids have cried to me: it’s not fair! And when I finally get exasperated, I told them life’s not fair! Fair is where you get cotton candy! Do you see me holding cotton candy?!
Listen to the debates around a lot public policy questions and you find the grown up version. It’s not fair that I paid off my student loans and someone else might get their loans forgiven! It’s not fair I worked and paid into Social Security all my life and it might not be there by the time I’m old enough to retire! It’s not fair that I had better grades than that guy but he got into that university and got a lower tuition just because his grandfather went there!
Nothing puts all our fears and insecurities and hidden little prejudices on display quite like the words: It’s. Not. Fair. Here we are – doing our best to follow the right religious practices to the best of our ability – going to church, saying grace, saying the Lord’s Prayer, studying the Bible and learning our catechism, and teaching the young ones around us to do the same – but we’ve all got something that pulls us up short when it comes to compassion for others. Something that sees some people more worthy of helping and others less worthy. We have a grading system that ranks people differently – children, elders, the very rich, the very poor, the undocumented, those with different political affiliations, those with different religious affiliations, people who are sleeping on the streets, people struggling with addictions, people newly out of jail, people who work the “good jobs”, people who work for minimum wage, people who are unemployed – we have all of these categories we use to decide who is an insider and who is an outsider, and who we will help and who we will not based on our own judgments.
And the woman said to Jesus, “Yes Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Even me – an outsider, a nobody, a person you would walk by and pretend not to see or hear, even I deserve a little bit, a crumb, of compassion. You have the ability to help me, so see me for who I am. See me as a human being worthy of being treated with dignity, and see that I don’t ask for myself but for my child. My innocent child, who had no choice in the place where she was born or who her parents are or in suffering the demons that are afflicting her.
“Woman, great is your faith. Let it be done for you as you wish.” With those words, Jesus healed her daughter.
Her words came from her heart and her words demonstrated her belief in her own dignity and her faith the Jesus could and would help her. Jesus’s words demonstrate that he recognizes her faith and her worth as a child of God.
But he called her a dog! Yeah, he did. He pointed out her outsider status, he voiced the prejudices that existed against her. One could even say that he gave his disciples a close up view of what he meant when he said it is what comes out of the mouth that matters. That by speaking so entirely and shockingly out of character, he demonstrated for them their own sinfulness, their own prejudices, their own fears and insecurities, their own clinging to the ideas of what is fair and what is not. Because grace and mercy are not fair.
Grace and mercy and compassion and kindness – these are all a part of the Jesus we know and that we follow. Jesus has shown us unfathomable mercy and compassion when others have deemed us as unworthy. Jesus bestows grace and deals kindly with us when others would condemn us. Even as they have said – it’s not fair. Jesus has shown that same unfathomable mercy and compassion on those we deem unworthy. Jesus bestows grace and deals kindly with those we would condemn. Even as we say – it’s not fair.
We, who call ourselves followers of Jesus, are challenged by Jesus himself to hear the words that are coming out of our mouths. When you find yourself saying: it’s not fair – and you will, we all will – that is when we are called to question what prejudices may lie within our hearts. We bear the responsibility to act on behalf of and for the benefit of those who find themselves treated as outsiders. We, who have been shown such unfathomable grace and mercy are called beyond our mere religious practices, beyond these church walls, we are called to speak and act, from the heart, for those whose voices go unheard.
If this gospel story still sets your teeth on edge – it’s okay. Sometimes Jesus has to rattle some cages to set us free. It’s not fair. But grace isn’t fair.